Swimming Pool Debaucle

    So, you may know that we got some holes in our pool liner and had to replace it. I have a habit of getting it into my head that I can take on projects that require multiple people by myself. This has escalated since my baby boys have turned into mini-men and are strong now.  That coupled with the fact that I can watch how-to videos on youtube just enables my disasters. So, a few weeks back when it was a really nice Saturday, I decided that we were going to do the pool. (just a side note, I try to do a lot of stuff for brian since he is works full time and I work from home part time, so he doesnt have to worry about finding the time to do said "things," which inevitably usually ends up with me totally wrecking it and making more of a mess for him to do, but we have been doing this for 17 years and I don't forsee me changing anytime soon).

     K, anyway so the boys and I get out there and I cut the liner out (like I saw in the youtube video) and start taking the top part off of the pool to get the rest of the liner off...so far so good. We end up getting bailey inside of the pool ( we had to use a chair and a step ladder and help him in it was pretty comical) so he can start to remove the liner and even out the sand and stuff. Well I get everything off and start working on the light.  Well, my uncle Gary must of used his superpower strength that day to put the light on because I could NOT get this darn thing to come off. I was prying and pulling and twisting and cursing...oh wait did I say cursing, ignore that...it was now 30 minutes of me trying to get this darn light off, Baileys still trapped in the pool and Noah kindly asks him if he wanted a sandwich and a drink...(Wow they DO care about one another) So noah gets bailey his stuff and he stands there and says, "He's just like a zoo animal. We can feed him, make him do tricks." Me, "Doing tricks would be the circus." Noah, "Oh, yea, right...anyway, we can feed him and watch him go crazy because he cant text anyone." (I had taken the phone away because its just too distracting when I need him to do something). Finally it gets to be an hour of me struggling with this light and bailey and I had to just break it to get it off.

     By this time it had been over an hour I was working on the light alone...Bailey is going stir crazy in his zoo cage and noah is standing outside just antagonizing the situation, like "Look at me, I can go in the house, out the house, in the house...I can go all over the yard.  Where can you go??? that's right, just your cage" then started the "You're and idiot" "well your gay" back and forth about 50 times before I scream "SSHHHHHHUUUUUTTTTT UUUUUUP, GOSH."

So, I have the light off and now we need to get the liner in...so Noah and I bring the liner over to bailey.  Bay starts to open the liner up and I'm thinking...man that thing looks small, but the pool dudes know what they're doing right..  Anyway, bailey gets one piece of the liner over to noah.  I am directly across from him and the liner CLEARLY is not going to reach me.  so there's yelling again, come on bailey use your teenager strength...pull the liner...well, not matter how hard he tries he is NOT going to stretch the liner to make it work.  So, I go over and check the box...Sure enough, this liner is for a 21 foot pool, ours is a 28...ooookkkkaaaayyy, so a day of work totally wasted.  The funny thing is it says SMith on the box, so obviously there was more than one SMith that ordered a liner...IMAGINE THAT....

      All day it was beautiful, no wind, nothing..then all of a sudden God thought it would be fun for it to get windy out. So, remember, I had taken the top off  the entire pool. I should of only taken a few at a time, but no, on the youtube video they took them all off (they also had about 10 workers helping).  SO the wind is getting CRAZY and the sides of the pool start to shake and get wabbley...UH-OH...then the wind picks up and one side of the pool falls in...so we're screaming, quick bailey push that side up...noah go help him...then another gust of wind and the other side falls in...


Okay, this is where it gets good and we introduce a new character in the story called "Drunk Neighbor" we'll refer to him as DN for short!!  He actually lives up the road so any of you who know my neighbors he is not next door..those are the helpful neighbors and the ones behind us are "those who dont look at us."  That name explanation will be another blog. 
 
So, DN is riding his bike by and yells, "hey do you guys need some help."  REally, do I even need to answer this question...me: "yes, that would be so helpful."  So he rides up into our yard and says, "let me take my bike home and see if I can get my roommate to help."  As he's leaving he says,"What are you gonna give me to help."  REally DN, really, Im trying to hold my pool up, and you're going to ask for something when you OFFERED to help. I just looked at him and said quite sarcastically, "How about my love and kindness."  So he kind of chuckles and rides off. 
 
A few minutes later he comes back carrying a wal-mart bag..whatever, maybe he grabbed some tools.  Let me just take this time to describe this kid...He's really tall and lanky, he just reminds me of like rubber man or something, just like all arms and legs, and he just has that punk look about him...anyway, so he gets in the poll and Announces..."Okay, if Im going to help, Im in charge you all listen to me...do yea hear me"...(thats like his tag line or something..its incredibly annoying and he says it like right after EVERYTHING he says and does not even give you time to think of an answer let alone say anything) 
 
     So the wind picks up and one side of the pool falls in and he goes running all arms and legs to grab it...then the other side goes down and he turns and runs to that side.  This actually goes on for about 5 minutes...me and the boys just watching lanky rubber boy running back in forth pretty much in circles not able to keep up with the wind and the whole time hes screaming, "this is Bull*&*, this is BUll*#&#"  Ten he says to Noah.  "hey Buddy, go to that bag and get me a beer." what, we're taking a beer break.. so he opens a beer and literally chugs the whole thing..I guess all the running around made him thirsty.   Then he looks at me and says, "I wish you would of told me you were doing this today, then I could have been here from the beginning and made sure it went right."  Okay first, I dont even know your name so WHY would I tell you...and second you're annoying me.  
 
    By this time it is windy like crazy and the pool has come of of the track completely and there is sand in the track and its just a mess...so I make an executive decision that we're just going to take the pool down and start over another day.  Again DN starts with this is BS and I wish you would of told me you were doing this...didyahearme.   *OMG SHUT UP*.
 
So, we're trying to get the screws out that holds the wall together and DN the expert doesnt like the tools I have.  So, he keeps calling bailey "Willy" and says, "hey Willy, got get me a ratchet"...hahahahhahah like he knows what that is...anyway, then he's like do you know what a ratchet is...canyouhearme...answermesoIknowyou'rlistening.  (he gets that in real quick remember).  Anyway then our helpful neighber peeks around his garage and is like do you need help and he brings us a ratchet.  Well DN decides to have a rant about me, right in front of me....and he says..get ready..."This is why I hate working with women."  OMG, I seriously wanted to hurt him....Im not being dramatic, like I pictured myself grabbing the wrench and just beating him.  I was seeing RED. It took everything I had not to go off on him because Im trying to set a good example for my children...MAN THAT WAS HARD!!  So, the good neighbor walks off chuckling because he KNOWS I want to kill DN.  
 
    We start to get the pool down and I'm trying to tell DN how to roll the thing up and he's all like no you'll dent it. Then he proceeds to tell me that he KNOWS what he's doing because he took 3 years of carpentry in high school, didyahearme....I took 3 years, I know what Im talking about"....REally ding-dong and how many pools did you put up during your 3 years of wood shop?  AAARRRGGGGHHH.  So finally I convince him that rolling up the side wall will be just fine.  He's calling bailey Willy and noah just kid (which by this point he has had noah get him like 5 different beers from the magic Wal-Mart beer bag).  He calls bailey Willy for like the 100th time and I scream, HIS NAME IS BAILEY NOT WILLY...THATS NOAH AND HE IS BAILEY.  And DN looks at me like Im totally off my rocker and says, "Oh Okay," He turns to NOah and says, "Hey WIlly get me another beer."  and looks at bailey and says "bailey help me with this pool wall." 
 
Finally we get everything situated and Im just like, "okay, we got it from here you can go" and DN is like, let me help you clean up. Me "NO no, its okay, we got it....really you can go"  SO as DN is leaving (which he left all his empty beer cans for us..thanks loser)  I said to him, "Im sorry I dont have anything to give you."  He sarcastically says " Yeah, whatever....You do know where I live right, in that apartment building"  Im like "yeaaaa" In my head Im thinking what a subtle way to try to tell me you expect something...how bout this, next time I see you on your bike Ill refrain from running you over. 
 
In the end, I got the pool up after I cooled down a few days, and I will NEVER EVER take on a project like that by myself EVER AGAIN....*wink-wink*

Happy Recovery Thursday

We drove past a church last night and it said, Happy Recovery Thursdays. They must do like an AA type thing there, we had the following conversation.

Brian: "Happy recovery Thursday"
Me: "What"
Brian: "HAPPY recovery Thursday. Back there, the sign says happy recovery thursday.
Me: "Umm, you have to be addicted to something to celebrate a recovery, you're not an addict, you can't celebrate."
Brian: "Wonder if they make greeting cards for Happy Recovery Thursday."
Me: "Well, its Friday anyway so it doesnt count."
Brian: "Awww, we missed it, we'll have to write on our calenders for next week."
Me: "Idiot, you are NOT addicted to anything, you CANT CELEBRATE."

Long Silence......

Brian: "Hello, my name is Brian, its been 4 hours since my last Cadbury Cream Egg."

Yes, we seriously have these kind of conversations!

A Love Story

This is how the Smith Family started!! I was 18 and was moving into the dorm at Conemaugh Hospital because I was starting X-ray tech school. This was waaaaaay back in 1990. The dorm that we stayed in was co-ed and had x-ray students, surg tech students and nursing students. The evening I moved in, I was coming onto my floor from the stairwell and I saw this Hot Guy wearing rolled up scrub pants like shorts and no shirt walking down to the bathroom. Well, I walked into my room and announced to my roommate that I had just seen the HOTTEST guy walk down the hall and I WILL go out with him by the end of the week. Yes, I was slightly cocky back then. (Just a side note, I had a suite which meant we had a private bathroom, there's a story about that later).

Okay, so, the next day was my first day on the xray floor and they had the senior students (this was a 2 year program so we were jrs and srs) take the juniors and show them around. Well to my very happy surprise, that HOT GUY was one of my seniors. As another side note, The Hot Guy was warned by the head instructor before we started to STAY AWAY from the new female students!! I made sure I was in the Hot GUy's group of juniors. I came to find out that Hot Guy's name was Brian Smith AND that he had the most beautifully dark brown eyes I had ever seen. (these eyes would keep him from getting into trouble quite a few times throughout our life together).

So, after spending the day with him and totally flirting, I was very smitten, however, he went on 3-11 shift that week so my time with him was limited. That night I went down the hall at 11:05 and pretended to be on the pay phone so I could see him (his room was by the phone of course). He went into his room, changed and came back out and left. Well that was anticlimactic. The next day, he stopped by my room when I was on lunch break and I casually found out that he was going upstairs to Mac on a nursing student up there. Oh competition..Okay GAME ON...So, that night he came back to his room at 11:05, I was on the phone again, he changed and went up to see nursing-girl...Okay, this being in the hall pretending to be on the phone was not working...change of tactics.

The third night, Brian comes back to the dorm at 11:05...at 11:06 I knocked on his door, and asked, (imagine the most innocent look I can give while batting my eyelashes) "Do you know where the laundry room is." He was all, "Sure, I have to wash clothes too, I'll go with you." THAT was easy. The only problem was, I had just moved in and being a girl I had washed all my clothes before the move and had hardly any dirty clothes. So, I went to my room and proceeded to fill up my basket with clean clothes. We ended up staying up half the night washing clothes and talking and that was the official end of nursing-girl because we were together every free minute after that!! LOL The rest is history!!

Just as a side note though, before he actually got to know me, that first evening my roommate and I were checking out our bathroom and we could not figure out how to clog up the bathtub (there was no shower just a tub). So we walked down to the lounge and there was Hot Guy and a bunch of nursing students and we asked them about the tub. They really werent very helpful as they were surpressing laughter. So, when we walked away, of course they made fun of how STUPID we were because we couldn't figure out how to clog up the tub. Well, remember I said earlier he stopped by at lunch that one day, and we showed him our tub. He too could not figure it out. We had to go ask the house mother and she showed us what to do. Turns out the tub was super old and there were these three pipes on the side of the tub and you had to remove a smaller pipe from the middle one and that clogged up the tub. Who in the WORLD would of figured that one out.

Okay, that's how it all started, not super funny but a necessary story anyway!!

SURPRISE, you're in college

So, Brian is reaching the end of his Master's Degree, to celebrate this, I'de like to tell you the story of how I accidentally enrolled him in college. See, for the longest time Brian has wanted to go back to school to get his bachelors in Nursing (he only had an associates), however, going to a regular college and working full time to support his family was not going to happen. Then, a friend of his got her masters through University of Phoenix and was trying to talk him into going back to get his masters to teach nursing. So, he would talk about it like ALL THE TIME. Well, he never got around to checking it out. One day I was taking a "break" from work (Break is code for surfing the net) and I decided to check out University of Phoenix's website. I go on the site and I proceed to type in Brian's info, thinking that they would just mail him a packet about the school, no big deal. Well, I am not exagerating, about 10 minutes later the phone rings. "May I speak to Mr. Brian Smith" "Uhhh, he's at work, who's calling" "Oh this is the admissions department from University of Phoenix" "He's at work and will be back after 4, try back then." Again, I didnt really think anything of it..I just thought it was a courtesy call. So, I go about my day.

Meanwhile....Brian gets a call at work. "Yes, Mr. Smith, this is the admissions department at University of Phoenix. We just recieved your application (seriously it did not say APPLICATION anywhere) and would like to Interview you for classes." Brian is thinking...WWWWWHHHHAAAAATTTT...so he says Okay..and proceeds to spend an hour on the phone with them. By the end of the call they had him signed up and starting classes two weeks later. WELL, that night he was NOT happy to see me!! LOL...He was like, I guess Im going to college...Whatever, he wanted to do it, its not like I just woke up and decided, my husband needs a degree...

Around this same time, Brian was having issues with his shoulder. Actually he was having trouble for about a year and it finally got to the point where he couldn't even raise his arm above his head. I kept telling him to call the doc, but he is SO STUBBORN. So, one day I said, "hey you're going to do something fun tomorrow on your day off...you're going to the orthopedic surgeon about your shoulder." Here he had a torn rotator cuff and ended up getting surgery.

As, most of you know, I work at home doing medical transcription. One morning I came downstairs after Brian had left for work. Taped to my monitor was a note that said. "Honey, I love you very much. Please don't sign me up for the Army today. Love Brian."

Congrats Brian, I know its been a long ride but you're almost done and I am so proud of you!!

Russian acrobats, Rednecks, and Bikers Oh My

So yesterday was so nice and Brian was off from work (he has 2 jobs now) and was caught up on school (that I accidentally enrolled him in, but thats another blog) that we decided to go for a walk. Well, let me tell you Brian was about as excited as the dog gets when you say "wanna go for a walk." So, I was in the kitchen doing some stuff waiting for him to get ready when I hear behind me, the pitter patter of his feet and then whooooooosh across the linolium floor behind me. Then he runs off and comes back and whooooossshhhh again behind me..So I'm like, Okay guess he's going to keep doing whatever it is he's doing until I acknowledge him...So I turn around trying to pretend to be annoyed and he just standing there looking off into space with his shoulders back, chest puffed up and arms out like he's a body builder..So I indulge him and I'm like, "WHAT are you doing??" He says, "I'm being a Russian Acrobat like in Cirque Du Soleil except without the acrobatics"....and he takes off out of the room comes running back and slides in the kitchen and does the pose...Im all, "yup, just like a Russian acrobat"...lets go...so we decided to walk up to his mom's house and do a loop back. On the way up we had to walk on a back road which is not busy but everyone drives down it like they're trying out for NASCAR. Brian has his IPOD in and so he can't hear the traffic coming behind us...YES we were on the wrong side of the road for a minute...so I hear this truck coming and I reach out and push him off the road so I could actually have room to get off the road too..So, the car goes by and he's all (make sure you read this in the best ELF voice ever) " Awwww, you saved my life." Im like.."what" He says, "yeah, you pushed me off the road so I wouldnt get hit by the car, you saved my life...you're like a superhero or something." Yea, Im a superhero and my power is pushing...huh...wonder if that will stand up in court if I just start pushing random people..But judge, its my superpower. Okay so by now we have gone to his moms and we're on the way back to the bike trail. We have to go past this house that looks like Redneck Central (no offense to rednecks, I mean I DID grow up in Boswell), so the yard has like 5 cars up on blocks and just piles of garbage and metal...where does this metal come from anyway, its not like it was in the house, so they have to go and find the metal and bring it home...Hey lets take this fender looking thing and put it in the back yard, class things up a bit...Okay anyway...so we're walking by Little West Virginia and all of a sudden, I kid you not, like 8 wild mangy looking dogs start barking and doing the charge and choke at us (they're on chains which by the way friends dont chain friends outside, just sayin) and Im like 8 dogs...really, do they think someone is going to come and steal their junk...the CARS ARE ON BLOCKS, noone's going to hotwire them and take off. Now we're going down the trail and all of a sudden Brian says," I need a new walk." what???? "yea, my walk is just kind of boring. I need to jazz it up." Me: "oh, okay, well, try dipping every once in awhile, like step-step-dip, step-step-dip. Brian: "No, its off" Me: "Okay,try 3 steps then step-step-step-dip"...Bri: "no Its like Im doing lunges"...So he's like how about this and he starts like high-knee marching down the trail...No, I say, that looks gay...so, try like throwing a twirl in.. so he walks and does this jump spin thing and almost falls over...just then out of NOWHERE a guy on a bike zooms by me scaring me half to death...so I scream, which is like a chain reaction because then Brian screams....OMG I lost it...I could not stop laughing, then we looked around us and realized that there were all kinds of people on the trail watching us find a new walk. Yea, we cant even go for a walk without acting like idiots!!!

Reading Rules of the Blog!

Okay, here it is...I'm going to try blogging the crazy Smith Family life...Before I start, however, there are going to be rules if you want to read my blog...first, this is a FULL DISCLOSURE BLOG, which means if you do something idiotic in front of me, just know I am probably going to blog about it...Dont worry, I do idiotic things on an hourly basis, and I dont descriminate, everyone is fair game.  I will, however, try to do this in the most lovingly way possible!!  HAHAHA.. Also, I am going to blog exactly the way I talk, so those of you who are constantly grammatically correct, get over yourself now (specifically Brian and Bekah)  I will NOT be using the proper form of words, I'll use "Like" and "Totally" every other sentence, my spelling sucks and yes I WILL use all caps and five exclamation marks if I feel it gets my point across!!!!!  Okay, so far I feel like that's it for now, these rules of reading my blog will change at my discretion and without notice!!  K, hope you all enjoy this...if you have any stories you would like me to tell on my "slow days" let me know..there are so many mishaps I cant even keep them straight!!  Love you guys.